I live in a small city of a very small country where almost everybody knows everyone, and if they don’t know you, well, they’re still interested enough to criticize whatever you want to do with your life.
There’s a lot of things that no one questions around here. Like for instance, it’s common knowledge that girls are supposed to live with their families until they’re married or at least until they’ve found a boyfriend they want to live with. And why should it be any different, right? Why would they want to live alone? It’s neither safe nor cheap for a young woman to live by herself in my country.
“People could notice you live alone and someone could chase you and mug, kidnap or hurt you! and there would not be anyone around to help!” Is what I’ve heard from people whenever I mention I’d like to move out of my parents house.
“But why would you waste your money renting an apartment?” Is another common argument. “You might as well save it to buy your own place, WHEN YOU GET MARRIED”. Ahm, yes, that’s a fair point, except I don’t see it as a waste of money, more as an investment on your independence, and peace of mind.
“Is your home environment that unbearable?”- people also ask. No, it’s not that I absolutely HATE to live at home. But I think I’ve reached an age when it’s only NORMAL and HEALTHY that I want to move out and have my own space, and be responsible for myself . After all these years when my parents have told me to “work hard for what I want” and “try to be independent”, shouldn’t they at least expect that I consider living on my own?
Well, you see, people’s expectations from a “good girl”, is that she moves directly from her parent’s house, to her husband’s house. (I mean, not exactly her husband’s, both of them would be paying for it, but you get the idea). And while it’s a lovely idea - I know a lot of girls who’ve done it this way, and are absolutely happy - it’s not necessarily the ONLY way to go for young women; some might want to do it differently.
I know that asides from the “moral” issue (what would people think?), there’s also the money issue (how will I afford it?? It’s so expensive!) But let’s think for a second you COULD afford it. Would it really be SO bad that you wanted to move from your parent’s house, to your OWN house? (and maybe AFTER, move to your husband’s…)
I’ve thought about it, again and again, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I mean, I understand that while you live at home you belong to your parents and you’re part of a unit (“the family”), and when you get married, you and your husband belong together, and you’re part of a couple (“the marriage”). If that’s the way it goes, then… when do you belong to yourself?? When do you explore and get to know yourself, not as a part of “something”, but simply as part of “you”?
This might not make sense to a lot of people, but I know it rings a familiar tune to a lot of my single girlfriends in their late twenties.
I think about this issue very often, and i think young women nowadays should be able to choose the best course for their lives, right? And it should be a simple matter, like: what’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla or chocolate? Or what color you like best? Purple or pink?